When I was laid off earlier this year, I was SO excited to take a stab at following my heart and working with my art full time. I started out like a freight train, pushing myself, planning, making schedules.
I didn't take the time to start each day in prayer, in my bible, finding peace. I always know the days that start that way are the best, but in my busyness I was blowing by that.
One morning I decided to sit down on my porch, catch my breath. The day after I'd barely slept in some urgent frenzy to get my website in order.
I thought 'I think I'll read a psalm'. And 127 randomly popped in my head. Had no idea what it was. I turn to it and was like wow <3
Unless the Lord builds a house,
the work of the builders is wasted.
Unless the Lord protects a city,
guarding it with sentries will do no good.
It is useless for you to work so hard
from early morning until late at night,
anxiously working for food to eat;
for God gives rest to his loved ones.
I felt loved and spoken to and decided I was going to rest more. Not push myself so hard. Not try so frantically to make things happen. I feel like I've been rushing around for 15 years juggling, God gives me a rest and I'm still doing it to myself.
So 4 months later now I find I have barely painted, and in 6 weeks I haven't painted something I wanted to just because I was inspired. Wasn't imagining that, but the bills have mostly stayed paid and my daughter and I have made some good memories through the summer, and I have been getting lots of sleep!
I have been blessed with some freelance work, and some commissioned paintings that have gotten us by.
And where I thought I was going to find my joy in painting all day, I have found even greater joy in being a Mom, and a Wife, and being the caretaker of our home.
Taking care of a home well is a full time job. This was always one of my struggles while working full time. Failed huge there. Although its not really 'failing' when its really too much to be expected in the first place. Work full time. Keep your house neat. Be a good Mom and Wife. Take time to have fun and make memories. Keep the laundry up. Something's gotta give, you can only keep so many balls in the air.
I remember a description once of thinking of your home like running a bed and breakfast. Keeping it clean, welcoming, neat, good food stocked and cooked. Being welcoming and kind.
I have found such satisfaction in being able to do this! I'm far from perfect and some areas of the house need a lot of help still, but overall just keeping our main living areas neat and uncluttered, having good food to eat and not feeling rushed and paying full attention to my loved ones has been wonderful. Dropping my daughter off unrushed and picking her up at 3 and just hanging out and having fun after school everyday is worth a million bucks.
My bank account does not look real great right now, but I feel rich. Yesterday was so awesome! Dropped G off at school, did some freelance work, started a painting. Got some groceries, did some laundry, made our beds and burned pretty candles. Cooked dinner ahead of time so we just had to warm it up, picked up G at 3 and watched cartoons with her.
I pray that this can continue. Like I literally get on my knees everyday and fervently pray from the bottom of my heart that this can continue. There's not really much more right now I could want but to be home being who I feel I was meant to be.
Packing a lunch, kissing the top of a head, keeping the laundry from being an overwhelming mountain. Having a clean fridge and an uncluttered house, When I look at our bills, and look at the coming winter, with no art shows, with the little safety net of unemployment running out and not being there on the weeks I don't make anything, with some bills that were temporarily reduced because of our situation going back to full payment, it looks impossible.
Yesterday after praying about all of this, the verse for the day in my thru the year bible was from Ecclesiastes:
Even so, I have noticed one thing, at least, that is good. It is good for people to eat, drink, and enjoy their work under the sun during the short life God has given them, and to accept their lot in life. And it is a good thing to receive wealth from God and the good health to enjoy it. To enjoy your work and accept your lot in life—this is indeed a gift from God. God keeps such people so busy enjoying life that they take no time to brood over the past.
Life IS short, so short, I've seen my nieces and nephews go from babies to college kids in what feels like 3 years. I pray that in this short life I am able to get by with the work of my hands being caring for my home and family and painting.
And then I read Proverbs 31 in which describing a Godly wife and mother it says:
Her hands are busy spinning thread,
her fingers twisting fiber.
She extends a helping hand to the poor
and opens her arms to the needy.
She has no fear of winter for her household,
for everyone has warm clothes.
The fear of winter really spoke to me right now. I so want to continue with how things are. I don't really know exactly how things are going to work out, but for the moment I will one day at a time give thanks for being able to live my dream today and know that they are going to work out.
Of course we always hope that things will go the way we think is best. But I know regardless God has my good in mind and will be with me whatever way this goes.
So for today, I am just living life thankful for feeling fulfilled and serving an important purpose. Today I am a stay at home Mom! And an artist! And I'm thankful, and pray tomorrow I'll be that too.
From Matthew 6:
So don’t worry about these things, saying, ‘What will we eat? What will we drink? What will we wear?’ These things dominate the thoughts of unbelievers, but your heavenly Father already knows all your needs. Seek the Kingdom of God above all else, and live righteously, and he will give you everything you need.
Seeking HIm and His purpose in my life! <3